If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize