Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
