So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
