I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
