I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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