I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
