I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
