Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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