dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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