Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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