The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
