It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
