He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
