i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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