How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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