she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think your dad took our porno
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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