I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
