I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize