You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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