halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
