I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize