my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
