I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
