girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
