I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
