I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
