how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
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When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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