Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
