I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You smell like stripper and shame
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
