I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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