The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Randomize
