It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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