I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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