I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
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i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
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He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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