sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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