Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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