she looked like the before picture.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
