All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
