just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This is not my ceiling
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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