i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Panties = found
Randomize
