is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
