Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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