May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
