The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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