At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
