hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
