so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think my fart just growled at me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
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he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
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shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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