Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
