I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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