Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
