Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
