Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
