Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
