and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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