I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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