Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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