are you still at the devil's house?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
