On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
