i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
