Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
someone owes me an orgasm
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
