I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize