So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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