We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
