im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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