I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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