Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
A bitchslap is in order.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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