Your face is a jimmy john
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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