Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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