So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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