I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
