why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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